Newsletter for November 2007: Getting Past Stuck
Contents:
This Month’s Thought
Getting Past Stuck
Quotes of the Month
Strictly Business: A Business or a Job?
Thanksgiving Thought: TO REALIZE
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If you have a dream, a goal or project, and if you really want to achieve it, find a way. There's a wonderful quote from Hannibal, "We will find a way, or make one." Take baby steps if you must. Ask for help, try a different way, hire a coach, but never, never, never settle for the status quo. Giving up, giving in, settling and sighing with regret are the only failures. Everything else is success-in-the-making. Go for it!
Have you had a conversation with someone and you became aware that they were struggling with filling "stuck". Or, perhaps you yourself have felt “stuck” some time recently. None of us are failures in any sense of the word. We live healthy, productive lives with many successes to our credit. But sometimes we feel as if we are "treading water", "marking time", or "settling" for less than we desire. We are "trying", but are not making much progress toward our next goal or toward fulfilling our deepest desires.
We all experience this at times. Sometimes, after completing a major project we want to rest, enjoy the new level of success and catch our breath before moving on. Or, sometimes we aren't sure how to proceed and have to wait and ponder and get a new plan. There are many reasons to "pause", and that's often a good thing, but it is very different than being "stuck".
Being "stuck" is no good. It's frustrating, it's irritating, and it undermines our integrity, our self-worth, and our confidence. And, for some people, being stuck seems to be a lifestyle. They set unrealistic goals, or create roadblocks and delays, or have excuses that prevent them from ever achieving, having, or enjoying the things they say they want in life.
For those people, it will be difficult to find a real solution. If you wish to stay stuck, for whatever reason, that is your right.
But for folks who are determined to make progress, to get past "stuck ", there are a few strategies that have seemed helpful. We are all different, and we get stuck for different reasons, and we need strategies that fit our values and our situations. Try any are all of the following 5 ideas the next time you’re feeling stuck:
1. Be honest about being stuck and get really frustrated about it! Say it out loud. Admit your situation to yourself, and get angry. Being stuck is no good and when you get clear enough, and frustrated enough, your brain will find a solution. Be clear that you will NOT stay stuck, and be DETERMINED to find a solution. Sometimes, healthy anger is a great motivator.
2. Get creative. List 20 crazy, insane, silly and original ways to move forward. Give yourself permission to brainstorm, to "mindmap", or to simply do the opposite of what you've been trying. Shake loose, break the mold, or to use that old phrase, "think outside the box". If you are stuck, get past it!
3. Do research. Other folks have achieved what you want to achieve, they found solutions and made it happen. Learn from them. Ask questions. Read the books. Attend seminars, take classes, call an expert, hire a coach, but find out how other people have succeeded and do what they did.
4. Question your intentions. Why are you stuck? Do you really want what you say you want? Really? Is there someone you love or whose opinion you value who disagrees with your goal? Are you sabotaging yourself because of ambivalence, confusion, or because you goal conflicts with your values? Or possibly you're afraid of success. If so, resolve this first, then clarify your goals and move forward.
5. Baby steps are OK. This is my personal favorite. When I'm stuck on something I truly want, I often give myself permission to make the smallest, simplest, crudest steps forward. I love BIG solutions and instant answers, but sometimes, on some issues, I have to settle for small, incremental progress. Sometimes, we have to trust that "inch by inch, anything's a cinch" and just creep forward until we find a way to make those giant leaps.
The key is to never stop moving. Too often, we confuse "trying", or worrying, or talking or dreaming with actual movement. Those things do not take us forward. They actually undermine our progress and make us feel like victims.
If you have a dream, a goal or project, and if you really want to achieve it, find a way. There's a wonderful quote from Hannibal, "We will find a way, or make one." Take baby steps if you must. Ask for help, try a different way, hire a coach, but never, never, never settle for the status quo. Giving up, giving in, settling and sighing with regret are the only failures. Everything else is success-in-the-making. Go for it!
"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
"A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline." -- Harvey Mackay
"The future belongs to those who believe in their dreams." -- Eleanor Roosevelt
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -- Mark Twain
Many professionals and business owners believe they own a business when in fact they have actually created a job for themselves. What's the distinction? The difference is in the systems.
A business is a collection of systems and processes that produce results. A job is a task or skill performed by a person in exchange for money. It doesn't matter if the task or skill is extremely well paid, if you are paid only when you show up and do your work, then no matter what your tax return might say, you are self-employed and have a job.
Creating a job for yourself is no small thing! Building a profitable law practice or medical practice, or being a professional coach are major accomplishments! Even if you delegate some of the functions, such as receptionist or bookkeeper, maintaining your skills, serving customers, marketing yourself and running the show is a huge achievement. But, in many ways, it isn't a "business", it's your job.
A business is organized so that as employees come and go the tasks can be learned and performed by different people. A business has systems that allow it to function when the boss is sick or away on vacation. A business has a degree of automation, a sense of flow and momentum so that customers see no difference regardless of who fills their order or provides the service. A business can be sold as a free-standing enterprise.
There are advantages to both processes, and for many people, being self-employed is highly desirable. They don't want to make the investments or design the systems of a business. They like the "hands-on", individual style of working for (and often, by) themselves.
The advantage of building a business, however, is that it is as an asset. It can be sold, or franchised, or licensed to other people. The systems can often be replicated, sometimes even in other industries, and that gives a business tremendous financial leverage.
Whichever way you prefer to go, be clear about your choice.
Thanksgiving Thought: TO REALIZE
Since we celebrate thanksgiving in America this month I thought that maybe it would be a good thing to take a moment and realize how valuable a year, month, day, hour, minute, second or millisecond can be. It reminds me that I often take how much I’m blessed for granted.
To realize
The value of a friend:
Ask someone who doesn't have one
To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly divorced couple.
To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who has failed a final exam.
To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.
To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to a preemie.
To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.
To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person who has survived an accident
To realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.
To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.
Rodger Blaker works with executives, small business owners and professionals who want to grow in their business and create an extraordinary life!
For info on resources for your success, visit: http://www.rodgerblaker.com or call me at 214-485-2238.
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